Baby Names
by brizo3
Summary: My imaginative title gives it away. Sam and Jack discuss the labelling of their offspring.
1. A Hard Act To Follow

Summary: Imaginatively titled. Does what it says on the tin. Possibly a bit silly in places. Random names get thrown around, and in some chapters they might even make a decision.

Season: At an indeterminate time in the future, when Sam and Jack actually get around to having kids. At the rate they're going it'll be by some weird alien IVF when Sam's 70. This would make Jack 86, but he's all for acting his shoe size.

A/N: So, I had a sleepless night last night and started playing these scenarios in my head. Some are sillier than others, so don't be surprised if we veer slightly into out-of-character. Sam, I figure, at least has an excuse. She is pregnant, she could do anything. No offence intended if your name is bashed, insulted, or otherwise rejected during the course of this fic. Nothing personal, I promise.

Each chapter in this is self-contained, so you can view it how you like. You could see each chapter as a separate child (which could get interesting depending on how many chapters there are). Or you could view them as AUs, ATs, whatever floats your boat.

Enough babbling...

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**Chapter One: A Hard Act To Follow**

Sam and Jack lay length-wise across the sofa, Sam's currently medium-sized baby bump crushed slightly between them.

_Twins_.

They were silent, Jack's hand casually thrown across her and stroking slightly down her back.

"Jack," she said eventually.

"That's one name," he told her, "and it's mine."

"I know, I was trying to get your attention."

"Oh. Well, you don't need my name for that. You've always got my attention."

She smiled at him. "I've had a thought."

"A baby name thought? Or a 'hey, let's blow up that main-sequence star' thought?"

"A baby name thought."

"Good," he said, "you shouldn't be thinking about work."

She paused. "How about... Jacob and George?"

Jack thought about it for a second. "As in... Dad and Hammond?"

Sam nodded, looking at him trying to judge his reaction.

"Hmm." He leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the forehead, "I like it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They were in the kitchen, moving around as they unpacked groceries, every so often casually brushing against one another.

"What about middle names?" Jack asked.

"Huh?" Sam said, her head stuck in a cupboard.

"Middle names," Jack repeated, "Are we giving them any?"

"Actually..." Sam started.

"You've had a thought?"

Sam smiled at him unrepentantly, "I have, now that you mention it."

"Okay, what is it?"

"We've already named them after two great men,"

Jack nodded.

"How about two more?" Sam continued.

"What? Larry and Curly?" Jack asked.

Sam looked at him.

"Oh, that would leave out Moe wouldn't it? Can't do that..."

"Jack."

He stopped removing things from the bag and looked at her, a carton of eggs in his hand, "Dare I ask?"

"Daniel and Teal'c."

He was about to make another sarcastic comment, but the look on Sam's face stopped him. So he smiled instead, "Yeah, okay. I'll never hear the end of it from Daniel, but okay."

She looked at him intently, determining whether his grouchiness was actually dislike at the idea or just Jack being Jack.

It was the latter. He smiled at her, "Little tykes'll have a lot to live up to, huh? I'll be ferociously disappointed with them if they haven't saved the world several times by the time they're 18 months."

Sam smiled. "What name with what, though?" she asked.

"George Daniel." he stated with certainty, turning back to the groceries.

Sam eyed him suspiciously, "Why?"

"Because then his initials will be G.D.O."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"What? It'll be like... a little reminder."

"Because we're likely to forget."

"An inside joke then. C'mon, Sam, you know you want to."

She sighed, "I suppose I can live with it."

He grinned and leant across to give her a peck on the mouth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Okay, this is the most serious chapter in the story, probably closest to what I what like to see on screen. I've gotten it out of the way at the beginning, it gets a bit weirder from here on out.


	2. Two Syllables, or, JackAll

**Chapter 2: Two Syllables, **or,** Jack-All.**

"He's being named after his dad," Sam told him.

"Sam, I didn't know you were that cruel," Jack protested, "Surely you don't want to heap that kind of insult on the little guy..."

"Naming him after you is not an insult."

Jack's view on that differed somewhat, but before he could say anything she spoke again: "We'll use it as his middle name."

"Humph," Jack said grumpily. He'd lost this battle, and he knew it.

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"Luke," he suggested.

Sam, who was sitting on the couch eating some weird concoction masquerading as a sandwich, mulled it over, "I like it," she told him, "but it doesn't go with 'Jack'."

"It doesn't?"

"Luke Jack," she said, "It's too snappy, too sudden. First name needs to be at least two syllables."

Privately, Jack thought that they could just change the middle name, but he kept that thought to himself.

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"Algernon."

Sam didn't bother saying anything. Sometimes it just wasn't worth it.

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"Harry." he said.

"Makes me think of Maybourne." She glanced at the front cover of the book he was reading, "Are you going to suggest every male name from 'Harry Potter'?"

He looked up at her. "Ronald?" he suggested, raising his eyebrows.

"No."

"Fred?"

"That's one syllable, Jack."

"Frederick, then."

"Jack, just stop right there."

There was a seven-second pause. Sam knew, because she was counting.

"Severus?"

Sam threw a magazine at him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"How 'bout 'Cameron'?"

Sam smiled, "Nice try, Cam."

"Damn," he said, turning back the way he'd came, "and I was so subtle too..."

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"We could call him 'Carter'."

"We're not calling him 'Carter'."

"No, you're probably right," Jack conceded, "Two Carters around I'd get confused. Besides, I'm not sure the world is ready for it."

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"'Connor'," he suggested.

"Connor?" She paused. "Connor."

"Just one 'Connor'," he told her.

She ignored him. "Connor Jack O'Neill. I like it."

"Yeah? It's very Irish."

Sam shrugged.


	3. Oh, God, Not That

**Chapter 3: Oh, God, not that.**

"Quetzalcóatl," Daniel said.

Jack looked at him. "Bless you."

"I'm serious."

Jack looked back down at his crossword, "Seriously irritating."

"You could call him 'Quetz'," Daniel continued, "Aztec god of the morning and evening star."

"I don't care." Jack told him. "Can you imagine the poor kid trying to spell it in kindergarten? Having to write it out in macaroni?"

The image this idea produced made him smile, but not enough to lumber his kid with it.

Besides, he'd never get Sam to agree.

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"Thor."

"No, Jack."

"Heimdall?" he suggested, "Freyr?"

"We are not naming our son after an Asgard."

"Actually," he grumbled, "I was thinking of the Norse gods."

"We're not naming him after one of those either."


	4. Red Slippers and BubbleSticks

**Chapter 4: Ruby-red Slippers and the Girl with the Bubble-Stick (with apologies to AT)**

Jack was sat on a chair in the living room.

"Jennifer," he suggested. "Carol, Claire, Georgina, Mildred. Any of these jumping out at you?"

Sam was sprawled out across the sofa, one arm flung over her eyes, "No."

Jack twisted in his chair and grabbed the baby book. She heard him ruffle through the pages.

"Let's start from the beginning," he said. "Agnes."

Sam groaned and buried her head under a cushion. Surely it shouldn't be this hard?

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"Olivia."

"Ugh," said Sam, "Hate it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Dorothy."

Sam didn't give him a verbal reply. She simply smacked him around the back of the head and got on with her toast.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Grace."


	5. Aye Carumba, Jack Won't Use the Potty

**Chapter 5: Aye Carumba, Jack won't use the potty.**

"Jack." stated Jack. "Jacqueline if it's a girl. Either way we'll call them Jack."

Sam smiled and concentrated on her pasta.

"Samuel or Samantha."

"We're not calling her 'Samantha'."

"Daniel or Danielle."

"Teal'c or - " he stopped abruptly. "What's the feminine form of 'Teal'c'?

She looked up at him, "I'm not sure 'Teal'c' has a feminine form."

He blinked, and carried on, "Murray or..." he paused again, "Murraline..."

Sam smiled at him, "You just made that up."

"So?"

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"Homer."

Sam glared at him frostily over her breakfast. "Don't even start down that road, Jack O'Neill."

Jack, contrary to popular opinion, was not stupid. He knew when to shut up.

Well, mostly.

"Bartholomew?"

He ran; in a manner most undignified in a General.

He figured that ending up covered in yoghurt was even more undignified.

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"Monday's child is red and spotty,"

"Jack."

"Tuesday's child won't use the potty."

"Jack!"

"Wednesday's child won't go to bed,"

Sam gave up.

"Thursday's child will not be fed.

Friday's child breaks all his toys,

Saturday's child makes an awful noise.

And the child that's born on the seventh day is a pain in the neck like the rest, ok!"

"Jack, how does that help us?"

"It doesn't," he replied, "I just like the poem."

She sighed loudly.

"Sam?" he asked, "What day were you born on?"

* * *

A/N : For the reader's curiosity the poem is one from my childhood; 'Monday's Child is Red and Spotty' by Colin McNaughton. According to it I wouldn't use the potty, and my mum says that's true, but what does she know?


	6. Holy Virtues

**Chapter 6: Holy Virtues**

"Faith," he started, "Hope, Charity." He stopped. "Wisdom," he tacked on the end.

"Hope's kind of appropriate," Sam said from her position smushed up against his chest.

"You think so?" he asked, "If you're looking for 'appropriate', maybe we should opt for something like 'Perseverance'."

Sam smiled, "She'd hate us for it."

"Yeah... Wouldn't it be fun?"

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"What about 'Hannah'?"

"As in 'Holy'?" Sam asked.

"Yeah."

"Actually I quite like it."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

She watched him move around the kitchen. She could practically see what was going through his head. "Don't think that this means if we have another one we can call it either 'Buckets' or 'Cow'," she told him.

"Damn."

* * *

A/N : I've marked this as complete because this is the last of the chapters I have already written. Doesn't mean there won't be any more if my brain kicks into gear though... I'll sift around for some more.


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